Halloween Jokes

Looking for cauldron full of Witch Jokes ?

What is evil, ugly and black and goes round and round ?

A witch in a revolving door !

What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside ?

A witch dressed as a cucumber !

Why did the baby witch smile when she came out in blotches ?

Because it was an ‘appy rash !

What does a witch get if she is a poor traveller ?

Broom sick !

Where did the witch get her furniture ?

From the ideal gnome exhibition !

Why did the witch put her broom in the wash ?

She wanted a clean sweep !

What has handles and flies ?

A witch in a dustbin !

What is evil and ugly and bounces ?

A witch on a trampoline !

What name did the witch give to her cooking pot ?

It was called-Ron !

How do witches lose weight ?

They join weight witches!

How can you tell when a witch is really ugly ?

When a wasp stings her it closes his eyes !

Why did the witch go over the mountain ?

Because she couldn’t go under it !

How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one ?

By her suntan !

What is evil, ugly and goes at 125 mph ?

A witch on a high speed train !

What did one witch say to another when they left the cinema ?

Do you want to walk home or shall we take the broom !

What is a witches favorite book ?

Broom at the top !

What’s the best way of seeing a witch ?

On the television !

What did the witch write in her Christmas card ?

Best vicious of the season !

What happened to the witch with an upside down nose ?

Every time she sneezed her hat blew off !

What happened when the baby witch was born ?

It was so ugly its parents ran away from home !

What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends ?

A witch with a blindfold !

Why did the witch join the football club ?

Because she heard they were looking for a new sweeper !

What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites ?

Don’t bite any witches !

What should you expect if you drop in on a witches home unexpectedly ?

Pot luck !

Why did the witch have pedestrian eyes ?

They looked both ways before they crossed !

What does a witch do if her broom is stolen ?

She calls the flying squad !

What do you call a witch with one leg ?

Eileen !

What is old and ugly and goes beep beep ?

A witch in a traffic jam !

Why did the witch wear yellow stockings ?

Because her grey ones were at the cleaners !

What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch ?

A witch in soggy shoes !

What happens to witches when it rains ?

They get wet !

What is black, old & ugly and has four wheels ?

A witch on a skateboard !

What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch ?

A bird that’s ugly but doesn’t give a hoot !

Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist ?

Because she thought everybody loved her !

What do you call a witch that stays out all night ?

A fresh air freak !

What do you get if you cross a witch and an iceberg ?

A cold spell !

What is the favourite subject of young witches at school ?

Spelling !

Why did the witch consult an astrologer ?

She wanted to know her horror-scope !

Why do witches ride on broomsticks ?

Because it’s quicker than walking !

What’s a witches favorite film ?

My Fear Lady !

Why do witches get good bargains ?

Because they like to haggle !

What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch ?

One’s a hunted stag and the other is a stunted hag !

What are baby witches called ?

Halloweenies !

What do you call a witches motor bike ?

A baaaarrrroooooooommmm stick !

What happened when the old witch went to see a funny film ?

The manager told her to cut the cackle !

What happens to a witch when she loses her temper when riding her broom ?

She flies off the handle !

What kind of tests do they give in witch school ?

Hex-aminations !

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire ?

A very witch person !

What do witches ring for in a hotel ?

B-room service !

Who’s the fastest witch ?

The ones that ride on a vroom stick !

How do you know when you are in bed with a witch ?

She has a big “W” embroidered on her pyjamas !

When should you feed witches milk to a baby ?

When it’s a baby witch !

What do you call a wich made of cotton and has lots of holes in her ?

A string hag !

What should you do if you find a witch in your bed ?

Run !

What sound does a witch make when she cries ?

“Brew-hoo, Brew-hoo” !

Why should men beware of beautiful witches ?

They’ll sweep them off their feet !

How does a witch make scrambled eggs ?

She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright !

Where is the witches temple ?

On each side of her head !

What’s yellow and very poisonous ?

Witch infested custard !

What does a witch enjoy cooking most ?

Gnomelettes !

How do warty witches keep their hair out of place ?

With scare spray !

Why is “S” the witches favorite letter ?

Because he turns cream into scream !

What do you call a witch that flies in Concorde ?

Lucky !

What is evil and ugly, puts spells on people and is made of leaves ?

A witch (The leaves were just a plant) !

What do you do if a witch in a pointy hat sits in front of you at the cinema ?

Miss most of the film !

Why is a witches face like a million dollars ?

It’s all green and wrinkly !

Why did the witches go on strike ?

They wanted sweeping reforms !

Who went into a witch’s den and came out alive ?

The witch !

What is evil, ugly and keep the neighbors awake ?

A witch with a drum kit !

Why do witches have stiff joints ?

They get broomatism

Who turns the lights off at halloween ?

The light’s witch !

What did the witch say to the ugly toad ?

“I’d put a curse on you but it looks like someone already beat me to it” !

What’s the best advice you can give to a witch on a broomstick ?

Don’t fly off the handle !

What is a witches favorite magazine ?

The witch report !

What is a witch with poison ivy called ?

An itchy witchy !

What’s a cold, evil candle called ?

The wicked wick of the north !

What happens if you see twin witches ?

You won’t be able to see which witch is witch !

Why did the witch give up fortune telling ?

There was no future in it !

How did the witch almost lose her baby ?

She didn’t take it far enough into the woods !

Why did the stupid witch keep her clothes in the fridge ?

She liked to have something cool to slip into in the evenings !

How did the witch feel after she was run over by a car ?

Tyred !

What has six legs and flies ?

A witch giving her cat a ride !

What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital ?

With any luck you’ll soon be well enough to get up for a spell !

What do witches race on ?

Vroomsticks !

Why do witches scratch themselves all the time ?

Because they’re the only ones who know where a witch itches !

Why did the witch wear a green felt pointy hat ?

So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen !

How do witches tell the time ?

By looking at their witch watches !

What’s the best way of talking to a warty witch ?

By telephone !

How is the witches team doing ?

They’re having a spell in the first division !

Have you heard about the good weather witch ?

She’s forecasting sunny spells !

What’s the witches favourite pop group ?

Broomski Beat !

What makes more noise than an angry witch ?

Two angry witches !

What do you get if you cross a flea and a witch ?

Very worried dogs !

What do little witches like to play at school ?

Bat’s cradle !

What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter ?

The producer said that she had the perfect face for radio !

What kind of music do witches play on the piano ?

Hag-time !

What do witches eat for breakfast ?

Rice krispies. Because they snap at them !

What do witches eat for dinner ?

Real toad in the hole !

What do witches sing at Christmas ?

“Deck the halls with poison ivy….” !

What is old, ugly and blue ?

A witch holding it’s breath !

What do you call a witch that climbs up walls ?

Ivy !

Why was the witch late for the party ?

She’d lost her witch-watch !

Why is a witch like a candle ?

They are both wicked !

Why did the witch keep turning into Mickey Mouse ?

She kept having Disney spells !

What usually runs in witches’ families ?

Noses !

What goes cackle, cackle, boom?

A witch in a minefield !

What do you call an old hag who lives by the sea ?

A sandwitch !

What is the difference between a musician and a dead witch ?

One composes and the other decomposes !

Why won’t a witch wear a flat caps ?

Because there is no point in it !

What’s a witches favourite flower ?

A triffid !

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween ?

Because there are so many witches sweeping the sky !

What do you call a witch by the side of the road with her thumb out ?

A witchhiker !

What is the difference between a witch and the letters M A K E S ?

One make spells and the other spell makes !

What do little witches do after school ?

Their gnomework !

What is a witches favourite drink ?

Tea-hee-hee !

What do witches say when they overtake each other ?

Broom, broom, broom !

Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters ?

She had never learnt to spell properly !

What goes cackle, cackle, bonk?

A witch laughing her head off !

How can you tell if a witch has a glass eye ?

When it comes out in conversation !

What is the witches motto ?

We came, we saw, we conjured !

How do you make a witch itch ?

Take away the “w” !

What do you call a nervous witch ?

A twitch !

How do witches on broomsticks drink their tea ?

Out of flying saucers !

Where do witches keep their purses ?

In hag bags !

Why do witches fly on broomsticks ?

Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy !

What kind of jewellry do warty witches wear on their wrists ?

Charm bracelets !

Why didn’t the witch sing at the concert ?

Because she had a frog in her throat !

What do you call a witch who drives really badly ?

A road hag !

What happened to the naughtly little witch at school ?

She was ex-spelled !

Why did the witch buy two tickets to the zoo ?

One to get in and one to get out !

Is it true that a witch won’t hurt you if you run away from her ?

It all depends on how fast you run !

What do you call a witch who murders her mum and dad ?

An orphan !

Why do some witches eat raw meat ?

Because they don’t know how to cook !

How do you make a witch float ?

You take two scoops of ice cream, a glass of coke and one witch… !

What do baby witches play with ?

Deady bears !

When can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb ?

You can hear their brooms tick !

What do you call a pretty and friendly witch ?

A failure !

Why are witches fingernails never longer than 11 inches ?

Because if they were 12 inches they’d be a foot !

What does a witch turn when the lights go out ?

The dark !

Why do witches go to the docks ?

To see the bats being launched !

What’s evil and ugly and goes up and down all day ?

A witch stuck in a lift !

What do you call a witch you likes the beach but is scared of the water ?

A chicken sandwitch !

What do you call two witches who share a broom sticks ?

Broom mates !

What do witches use pencil sharpeners for ?

To keep their hats pointed !

When a witch falls into a pond what is the first thing that she does ?

Get wet !

What did the young witch say to her mother ?

Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !

Why do witches wear pointy black hats ?

To keep their heads warm !

Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark ?

That’s the time to go to sweep !

Whats the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin ?

Ever tried broomstick pie ? !

Who went into a witche’s den and came out alive ?

The witch !

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