Posts Tagged ‘Vampire Jokes’

Vampire Jokes

Vampire Jokes

Vampire Jokes For Halloween!


What do vampires play poker for ?

High stakes !

What do you call a dog owned by Dracula ?

A blood hound !

Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team ?

The ghoulscorer !

What does a vampire say when you tell him a ghoul joke ?

Ghoul blimey !

What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve ?

“Auld Fang Syne” !

Do you know that Dracula wants to be a comedian?

He’s still looking for a crypt writer though !

Why was the young vampire a failure ?

He fainted at the sight of blood !

What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist ?

Fangs very much !

Where do vampires keep their savings ?

In blood banks !

Why does Dracula have no friends ?

Because he’s a pain in the neck !

What’s a vampire’s favorite soup ?

Sharks’ fang soup !

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When do vampires bite you ?

On wincedays !

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit ?

A neck-tarine !

What flavor ice cream is Dracula’s favorite ?

Veinilla !

Why did the vampire give up acting ?

He couldn’t get his teeth into the part !

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold ?

Coffin medicine !

What do you call a vampire junkie ?

Count Drugula !

What was the Californian vampire hippy like ?

He was ghoul man, real ghoul !

Halloween Vampire JokesWhat happened to the lovesick vampire ?

He became a neck-romancer !

What do vampires think of blood transfusions ?

Newfangled rubbish !

Why did Dracula go to the dentist ?

He had fang decay !

Why did the vampire attack the clown ?

He wanted the circus to be in his blood !

What happened to the vampire who swallowed sheep ?

He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad !

How does a vampire clean his house ?

With a victim cleaner !

What did the vampire call his new false teeth ?

A new fangled device !

What’s a vampire’s favorite sport ?

Batminton !

What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail ?

I don’t know but it would slow him down !

Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food ?

He wanted something to get his teeth into !

What did the vampire say to the wolf man ?

You look like your going to the dogs !

Why is Hollywood full of vampires ?

They need someone to play the bit parts !

What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he goes out to work in the evening ?

“Have a nice bite” !

What does the postman deliver to vampires ?

Fang mail !

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What did Dracula say to his new apprentice ?

We could do with some new blood around here !

What happened to the mad vampire ?

He went a little batty !

What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day ?

A coffin break !

What do vampire footballers have at half times ?

Blood oranges !

Which vampire ate the three bears porridge ?

Ghouldilocks !

Why did the vampire go to hospital ?

He wanted his ghoulstones removed !

Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with a finger up his nose ?

He was a ghoulsniffer !

Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing ?

He could really get into the vaultz !

What happened at the vampires race ?

It finished neck and neck !

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Where did vampires go to first in America ?

New Fangland !

What is the American national day for vampires ?

Fangsgiving day !

Why did the vampire have fang decay ?

He was always eating fangcy cakes !

If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ?

Join his fang club !

Why wouldn’t the vampire eat his soup ?

It clotted !

Why are vampires always worn out in April ?

Because they’ve just finished a long March of 31 days!

Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin ?

It wanted to play squash !

What’s Dracula’s favorite coffee ?

Decoffinated !

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot ?

A bite in shining armour !

What’s Dracula’s car called ?

A mobile blood unit !

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Why do vampires do well at school ?

Because everytime they are asked a question they come up with a biting reply !

What’s Dracula’s favorite soup ?

Scream of tomato !

What’s the difference between a vampire and a biscuit ?

You don’t know ? Well don’t try dunking a vampire in your tea !

What did the vampire say to the doctor who cured his memory loss ?

Fangs for the memories !

Why do vampires hate arguments ?

Because they make themselves cross !

What happened when the vampire went to the blood bank?

He asked to make a withdrawal !

What does a vampire say to the mirror ?

Terror, terror on the wall… !

What is a vampire’s favorite film character ?

Batman !

Why do people hate being bitten by vampires ?

Because it’s a drain in the neck !

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What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower ?

A bat mat !

What’s a vampire’s favorite dance ?

The vaults !

What do romantic vampires do ?

Neck !

What does a vampire bath in ?

A bat tub !

Vampire Jokes - Halloween JokesWhy are vampires crazy ?

Because they are often bats !

Why do vampires like school dinners?

Because they know they won’t get stake !

How do you join the Dracula fan club ?

Send your name, address and blood group !

What’s a vampire’s favorite animal ?

A giraffe !

Why are vampire families so close ?

Because blood is thicker than water !

How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice ?

They use extractor fangs !

What does Dracula say when you tell him something interesting ?

Well fangcy that !

What happened at the vampires reunion ?

All the blood relations went !

What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone ?

A fangster !

Where do Chinese vampires come from ?

Fanghai !

Funny Vampire JokesWhat’s a vampire’s favorite drink ?

A bloody mary !

What’s a vampire’s favorite dance ?

The fangdango !

Which vampire tried to eat James Bond ?

Ghouldfinger !

How does a vampire like his food served ?

In bite sized pieces !

Where do vampires go on holiday ?

The Isle of Fright !

Why did the vampire take up acting ?

It was in his blood !

Dracula Jokes

Dracula Jokes

Looking for Good Dracula Jokes ?

Dracula Jokes - Halloween JokesWhat did Dracula say after reading Halloween jokes?

They bite!

Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?

At the casketeria.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A necktarine

Why doesn’t Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat?

Because of the coffin.

What songs does Dracula hate?

“You Are My Sunshine” and “Sunshine on my Shoulders.

Why doesn’t anybody like Dracula?

He has a bat temper.

Why did Dracula go to the dentist?

He had a fang-ache.

Who does Dracula get letters from?

His fang club.

Why did Dracula take cold medicine?

To stop his coffin.

Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?

Sandals don’t look good with his tuxedo.

What did Dracula have for dessert?

Whine & Ice scream

What is Dracula’s favorite restaraunt?

Murder King

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