Posts Tagged ‘Funny Vampire Jokes’

Vampire Jokes

Vampire Jokes

Vampire Jokes For Halloween!


 

What do vampires play poker for ?

High stakes !

What do you call a dog owned by Dracula ?

A blood hound !

Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team ?

The ghoulscorer !

What does a vampire say when you tell him a ghoul joke ?

Ghoul blimey !

What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve ?

“Auld Fang Syne” !

Do you know that Dracula wants to be a comedian?

He’s still looking for a crypt writer though !

Why was the young vampire a failure ?

He fainted at the sight of blood !

What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist ?

Fangs very much !

Where do vampires keep their savings ?

In blood banks !

Why does Dracula have no friends ?

Because he’s a pain in the neck !

What’s a vampire’s favorite soup ?

Sharks’ fang soup !

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When do vampires bite you ?

On wincedays !

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit ?

A neck-tarine !

What flavor ice cream is Dracula’s favorite ?

Veinilla !

Why did the vampire give up acting ?

He couldn’t get his teeth into the part !

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold ?

Coffin medicine !

What do you call a vampire junkie ?

Count Drugula !

What was the Californian vampire hippy like ?

He was ghoul man, real ghoul !

Halloween Vampire JokesWhat happened to the lovesick vampire ?

He became a neck-romancer !

What do vampires think of blood transfusions ?

Newfangled rubbish !

Why did Dracula go to the dentist ?

He had fang decay !

Why did the vampire attack the clown ?

He wanted the circus to be in his blood !

What happened to the vampire who swallowed sheep ?

He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad !

How does a vampire clean his house ?

With a victim cleaner !

What did the vampire call his new false teeth ?

A new fangled device !

What’s a vampire’s favorite sport ?

Batminton !

What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail ?

I don’t know but it would slow him down !

Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food ?

He wanted something to get his teeth into !

What did the vampire say to the wolf man ?

You look like your going to the dogs !

Why is Hollywood full of vampires ?

They need someone to play the bit parts !

What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he goes out to work in the evening ?

“Have a nice bite” !

What does the postman deliver to vampires ?

Fang mail !

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What did Dracula say to his new apprentice ?

We could do with some new blood around here !

What happened to the mad vampire ?

He went a little batty !

What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day ?

A coffin break !

What do vampire footballers have at half times ?

Blood oranges !

Which vampire ate the three bears porridge ?

Ghouldilocks !

Why did the vampire go to hospital ?

He wanted his ghoulstones removed !

Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with a finger up his nose ?

He was a ghoulsniffer !

Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing ?

He could really get into the vaultz !

What happened at the vampires race ?

It finished neck and neck !

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Where did vampires go to first in America ?

New Fangland !

What is the American national day for vampires ?

Fangsgiving day !

Why did the vampire have fang decay ?

He was always eating fangcy cakes !

If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ?

Join his fang club !

Why wouldn’t the vampire eat his soup ?

It clotted !

Why are vampires always worn out in April ?

Because they’ve just finished a long March of 31 days!

Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin ?

It wanted to play squash !

What’s Dracula’s favorite coffee ?

Decoffinated !

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot ?

A bite in shining armour !

What’s Dracula’s car called ?

A mobile blood unit !


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Why do vampires do well at school ?

Because everytime they are asked a question they come up with a biting reply !

What’s Dracula’s favorite soup ?

Scream of tomato !

What’s the difference between a vampire and a biscuit ?

You don’t know ? Well don’t try dunking a vampire in your tea !

What did the vampire say to the doctor who cured his memory loss ?

Fangs for the memories !

Why do vampires hate arguments ?

Because they make themselves cross !

What happened when the vampire went to the blood bank?

He asked to make a withdrawal !

What does a vampire say to the mirror ?

Terror, terror on the wall… !

What is a vampire’s favorite film character ?

Batman !

Why do people hate being bitten by vampires ?

Because it’s a drain in the neck !

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What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower ?

A bat mat !

What’s a vampire’s favorite dance ?

The vaults !

What do romantic vampires do ?

Neck !

What does a vampire bath in ?

A bat tub !

Vampire Jokes - Halloween JokesWhy are vampires crazy ?

Because they are often bats !

Why do vampires like school dinners?

Because they know they won’t get stake !

How do you join the Dracula fan club ?

Send your name, address and blood group !

What’s a vampire’s favorite animal ?

A giraffe !

Why are vampire families so close ?

Because blood is thicker than water !

How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice ?

They use extractor fangs !

What does Dracula say when you tell him something interesting ?

Well fangcy that !

What happened at the vampires reunion ?

All the blood relations went !

What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone ?

A fangster !

Where do Chinese vampires come from ?

Fanghai !

Funny Vampire JokesWhat’s a vampire’s favorite drink ?

A bloody mary !

What’s a vampire’s favorite dance ?

The fangdango !

Which vampire tried to eat James Bond ?

Ghouldfinger !

How does a vampire like his food served ?

In bite sized pieces !

Where do vampires go on holiday ?

The Isle of Fright !

Why did the vampire take up acting ?

It was in his blood !


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