Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

Halloween Jokes For Kids

Halloween Jokes For Kids

Kids Halloween Jokes

Kids Halloween Jokes

Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?

Because they were trans-parents!

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

Dayscare centers!

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?

With a pumpkin patch!

What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?


What does a hungry ghost want?

Ice scream!

How do you make a witch itch?

Take away her w!

Why are graveyards so noisy?

Because of all the coffin!

What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?

A plumpkin!

Why don’t mummies take vacations?

They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!

What happened to the guy who didn’t pay his exorcist?

He was repossessed!

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?

No body!

How do monsters count to 13?

On their fingers!

Why did the skeleton go the party?

For a rattling good time!

What do you call an angry monster?


When do werewolves go trick or treating?


Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?

His ghoul friend!

Where do ghosts pick up their mail?

At the ghost office!

What do you give a vampire with a cold?

Coffin Drops!

What can’t you give the headless horseman?

A headache!

Why did Dracula take cold medicine?

To stop his coffin.

Where does a ghost go on vacation?


Why did the witch travel on a broom?

She couldn’t afford a Vacuum Cleaner.

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?

Buckle your sheet belt!

What did one vampire say to the other?

Fangs aren’t what they used to be!

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?

Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

What do witches use in their hair?


What instrument do skeleton play?


What songs does Dracula hate?

“You Are My Sunshine” and “Sunshine on my Shoulders.

Who does Dracula get letters from?

His fang club!

When does a ghost have breakfast?

In the moaning.

What do they teach in witching school?


What did the corpse’ mom do when her son was bad?

Ground him!

Where do vampires keep their money?

The blood bank!

What do you call a vampire that’s always feeling peckish?


What did one ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in people?

Who comes out at night and goes “Munch, munch, ouch!”

A vampire with a rotten tooth!

Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!

Where do spooky monsters water ski?

On Lake Erie!

What kind of mistakes do spooky ghosts make?

Boo boos!

What kind of key does a skeleton use?

A skeleton key!

What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?

It’s a pain in the neck!

What do ghosts eat for breakfast?


What is a vampires favorite place on the web?!

Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party?

He had no body to dance with.

What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?

He got ticks!

What runs around a cemetery but doesn’t move?

A fence!

Why did it take the monster ten months to finish a book?

Because he wasn’t very hungry.

Why didn’t Dracula get married?

He never met a nice Ghoul!

How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?

Give him screws.

How does a girl vampire flirt?

She bats her eyes.

Why do vampires scare people?

They are bored of death!

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.


What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?

A toasty ghosty!

Where did the goblin throw the football?

Over the ghoul line!

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?

A boo-tie!

What do you call a little monsters parents

Mummy and deady!

Which building does Dracula visit in New York?

The Vampire State Building!

Why was the ghost such a messy eater?

Because he was always a goblin.

Why do girl ghosts go on diets?

So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

What do ghosts eat for dinner?


What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?

A sand-witch!

What’s a vampire’s favorite candy?

A sucker!

Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?

Because he likes to draw blood!

What do goblins mail home while on vacation?


What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?

Spare ribs!

When does a skeleton laugh?

When something tickles his funny bone!

Where do mummies go for a swim?

To the dead sea!

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?

He didn’t have a haunting license!

What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A Bloodhound!

What do monsters call human beings?

Breakfast, lunch and dinner!

What does a witch ask for when she goes to a hotel?

Broom service!

Funny Halloween Jokes | Funny Ghost Jokes

Jack-o-Lantern Jokes

Jack-o-Lantern Jokes

Jack-O-Lantern Jokes For Halloween

Why was the Jack-o-Lantern all cut up?

It was Halloween!

Why were the two pumpkins so close?

They had deep roots!

Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?

It had no guts!

How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween?

Pump kin!

Why Pumpkins are better than Men?

Each year you get a brand new crop to choose from.  Also, pumpkins are always on the doorstep there waiting to greet you.

What did a mad pumpkin say to his enemy?

I’ll stem on your foot!

What kind of romances do pumpkins have?


How do you repair a broken Jack-o-lantern?

Buy a pumpkin patch!

Why do pumpkins never quarrel?

Because they have no stomach for fighting.

When asked how he was, what did the pumpkin reply?

I’m vine, thank you.

What do you call a fat Jack-o-Lantern?

A Plumpkin!

What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other?

Cut it out!

Why is it call a Jack-o-Lantern?

Jill rolled down the hill!

What did the pumpkin say after Halloween?


What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving?

Yummy Pie!

What did one Jack-o-Lantern say to the other on Halloween?

I’m feeling all warm inside tonight!

What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi  (3.1428571428571428571428571428571)

What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport?


Pumpkin One – I’m a Jack-o- Lantern!

Pumpkin Two – No your just some pumpkin that has just had a face cut out.

Pumpkin One – I’m so cut.

What did one Jack-o-Lantern say to the other?

Got a light!

Why do Jack-o-lanterns have stupid smiles on their faces?

You’d have a stupid smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!

Why do Jack-o-Lanterns scoop out their brains before Halloween?

So the zombies don’t eat them!

What does a pumpkin pie say after a big meal?

That was filling.

What does a pumpkin sew?

A Pumpkin Patch!


Black Cat Jokes | Werewolf Jokes


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