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Witch Jokes

Witch Jokes

Witch Jokes

Looking for cauldron full of Witch Jokes ?



What is evil, ugly and black and goes round and round ?

A witch in a revolving door !

What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside ?

A witch dressed as a cucumber !

Why did the baby witch smile when she came out in blotches ?

Because it was an ‘appy rash !

Funny Witch JokesWhat does a witch get if she is a poor traveller ?

Broom sick !

Where did the witch get her furniture ?

From the ideal gnome exhibition !

Why did the witch put her broom in the wash ?

She wanted a clean sweep !

What has handles and flies ?

A witch in a dustbin !

What is evil and ugly and bounces ?

A witch on a trampoline !

What name did the witch give to her cooking pot ?

It was called-Ron !

How do witches lose weight ?

They join weight witches!

How can you tell when a witch is really ugly ?

When a wasp stings her it closes his eyes !

Why did the witch go over the mountain ?

Because she couldn’t go under it !

How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one ?

By her suntan !

What is evil, ugly and goes at 125 mph ?

A witch on a high speed train !

Witch Jokes KidsWhat did one witch say to another when they left the cinema ?

Do you want to walk home or shall we take the broom !

What is a witches favorite book ?

Broom at the top !

What’s the best way of seeing a witch ?

On the television !

What did the witch write in her Christmas card ?

Best vicious of the season !

What happened to the witch with an upside down nose ?

Every time she sneezed her hat blew off !

What happened when the baby witch was born ?

It was so ugly its parents ran away from home !

What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends ?

A witch with a blindfold !

Why did the witch join the football club ?

Because she heard they were looking for a new sweeper !

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What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites ?

Don’t bite any witches !

What should you expect if you drop in on a witches home unexpectedly ?

Pot luck !

Why did the witch have pedestrian eyes ?

They looked both ways before they crossed !

What does a witch do if her broom is stolen ?

She calls the flying squad !

Best Witch JokesWhat do you call a witch with one leg ?

Eileen !

What is old and ugly and goes beep beep ?

A witch in a traffic jam !

Why did the witch wear yellow stockings ?

Because her grey ones were at the cleaners !

What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch ?

A witch in soggy shoes !

What happens to witches when it rains ?

They get wet !

What is black, old & ugly and has four wheels ?

A witch on a skateboard !

What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch ?

A bird that’s ugly but doesn’t give a hoot !

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Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist ?

Because she thought everybody loved her !

What do you call a witch that stays out all night ?

A fresh air freak !

What do you get if you cross a witch and an iceberg ?

A cold spell !

What is the favourite subject of young witches at school ?

Spelling !

Why did the witch consult an astrologer ?

She wanted to know her horror-scope !

Halloween Witch JokesWhy do witches ride on broomsticks ?

Because it’s quicker than walking !

What’s a witches favorite film ?

My Fear Lady !

Why do witches get good bargains ?

Because they like to haggle !

What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch ?

One’s a hunted stag and the other is a stunted hag !

What are baby witches called ?

Halloweenies !

What do you call a witches motor bike ?

A baaaarrrroooooooommmm stick !

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What happened when the old witch went to see a funny film ?

The manager told her to cut the cackle !

What happens to a witch when she loses her temper when riding her broom ?

She flies off the handle !

What kind of tests do they give in witch school ?

Hex-aminations !

witch-jokes

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire ?

A very witch person !


What do witches ring for in a hotel ?

B-room service !

Who’s the fastest witch ?

The ones that ride on a vroom stick !

How do you know when you are in bed with a witch ?

She has a big “W” embroidered on her pyjamas !

When should you feed witches milk to a baby ?

When it’s a baby witch !

What do you call a wich made of cotton and has lots of holes in her ?

A string hag !

What should you do if you find a witch in your bed ?

Run !

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What sound does a witch make when she cries ?

“Brew-hoo, Brew-hoo” !

Why should men beware of beautiful witches ?

They’ll sweep them off their feet !

How does a witch make scrambled eggs ?

She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright !

Where is the witches temple ?

On each side of her head !

Witch Jokes For Halloween

What’s yellow and very poisonous ?

Witch infested custard !

What does a witch enjoy cooking most ?

Gnomelettes !

How do warty witches keep their hair out of place ?

With scare spray !

Why is “S” the witches favorite letter ?

Because he turns cream into scream !

What do you call a witch that flies in Concorde ?

Lucky !

What is evil and ugly, puts spells on people and is made of leaves ?

A witch (The leaves were just a plant) !

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What do you do if a witch in a pointy hat sits in front of you at the cinema ?

Miss most of the film !

Why is a witches face like a million dollars ?

It’s all green and wrinkly !

Why did the witches go on strike ?

They wanted sweeping reforms !

Who went into a witch’s den and came out alive ?

The witch !

What is evil, ugly and keep the neighbors awake ?

A witch with a drum kit !

Why do witches have stiff joints ?

They get broomatism

Who turns the lights off at halloween ?

The light’s witch !

What did the witch say to the ugly toad ?

“I’d put a curse on you but it looks like someone already beat me to it” !

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What’s the best advice you can give to a witch on a broomstick ?

Don’t fly off the handle !

What is a witches favorite magazine ?

The witch report !

Top Witch JokesWhat is a witch with poison ivy called ?

An itchy witchy !

What’s a cold, evil candle called ?

The wicked wick of the north !

What happens if you see twin witches ?

You won’t be able to see which witch is witch !

Why did the witch give up fortune telling ?

There was no future in it !

How did the witch almost lose her baby ?

She didn’t take it far enough into the woods !

Why did the stupid witch keep her clothes in the fridge ?

She liked to have something cool to slip into in the evenings !

How did the witch feel after she was run over by a car ?

Tyred !

What has six legs and flies ?

A witch giving her cat a ride !

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What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital ?

With any luck you’ll soon be well enough to get up for a spell !

What do witches race on ?

Vroomsticks !

Why do witches scratch themselves all the time ?

Because they’re the only ones who know where a witch itches !

Why did the witch wear a green felt pointy hat ?

So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen !

How do witches tell the time ?

By looking at their witch watches !

What’s the best way of talking to a warty witch ?

By telephone !

How is the witches team doing ?

They’re having a spell in the first division !

Have you heard about the good weather witch ?

She’s forecasting sunny spells !

What’s the witches favourite pop group ?

Broomski Beat !

What makes more noise than an angry witch ?

Two angry witches !

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What do you get if you cross a flea and a witch ?

Very worried dogs !

What do little witches like to play at school ?

Bat’s cradle !

What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter ?

The producer said that she had the perfect face for radio !

What kind of music do witches play on the piano ?

Hag-time !

What do witches eat for breakfast ?

Rice krispies. Because they snap at them !

What do witches eat for dinner ?

Real toad in the hole !

What do witches sing at Christmas ?

“Deck the halls with poison ivy….” !

What is old, ugly and blue ?

A witch holding it’s breath !

What do you call a witch that climbs up walls ?

Ivy !

Why was the witch late for the party ?

She’d lost her witch-watch !

Why is a witch like a candle ?

They are both wicked !

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Why did the witch keep turning into Mickey Mouse ?

She kept having Disney spells !

What usually runs in witches’ families ?

Noses !

What goes cackle, cackle, boom?

A witch in a minefield !

What do you call an old hag who lives by the sea ?

A sandwitch !

What is the difference between a musician and a dead witch ?

One composes and the other decomposes !

Why won’t a witch wear a flat caps ?

Because there is no point in it !

What’s a witches favourite flower ?

A triffid !

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween ?

Because there are so many witches sweeping the sky !

What do you call a witch by the side of the road with her thumb out ?

A witchhiker !

What is the difference between a witch and the letters M A K E S ?

One make spells and the other spell makes !

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What do little witches do after school ?

Their gnomework !

What is a witches favourite drink ?

Tea-hee-hee !

What do witches say when they overtake each other ?

Broom, broom, broom !

Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters ?

She had never learnt to spell properly !

What goes cackle, cackle, bonk?

A witch laughing her head off !

How can you tell if a witch has a glass eye ?

When it comes out in conversation !

What is the witches motto ?

We came, we saw, we conjured !

How do you make a witch itch ?

Take away the “w” !

What do you call a nervous witch ?

A twitch !

How do witches on broomsticks drink their tea ?

Out of flying saucers !

Where do witches keep their purses ?

In hag bags !

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Why do witches fly on broomsticks ?

Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy !

What kind of jewellry do warty witches wear on their wrists ?

Charm bracelets !

Why didn’t the witch sing at the concert ?

Because she had a frog in her throat !

What do you call a witch who drives really badly ?

A road hag !

What happened to the naughtly little witch at school ?

She was ex-spelled !

Why did the witch buy two tickets to the zoo ?

One to get in and one to get out !

Is it true that a witch won’t hurt you if you run away from her ?

It all depends on how fast you run !

What do you call a witch who murders her mum and dad ?

An orphan !

Why do some witches eat raw meat ?

Because they don’t know how to cook !

How do you make a witch float ?

You take two scoops of ice cream, a glass of coke and one witch… !
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What do baby witches play with ?

Deady bears !

When can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb ?

You can hear their brooms tick !

What do you call a pretty and friendly witch ?

A failure !

Why are witches fingernails never longer than 11 inches ?

Because if they were 12 inches they’d be a foot !

What does a witch turn when the lights go out ?

The dark !

Why do witches go to the docks ?

To see the bats being launched !

What’s evil and ugly and goes up and down all day ?

A witch stuck in a lift !

What do you call a witch you likes the beach but is scared of the water ?

A chicken sandwitch !

What do you call two witches who share a broom sticks ?

Broom mates !

What do witches use pencil sharpeners for ?

To keep their hats pointed !

When a witch falls into a pond what is the first thing that she does ?

Get wet !

What did the young witch say to her mother ?

Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !

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Why do witches wear pointy black hats ?

To keep their heads warm !

 

Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark ?

That’s the time to go to sweep !

Whats the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin ?

Ever tried broomstick pie ? !

Who went into a witche’s den and came out alive ?

The witch !


More Funny Halloween Jokes Can Be Found Here!

Halloween Candy Jokes

Halloween Candy Jokes

Looking for some great Halloween Candy Jokes to use this Halloween?

Halloween Candy JokesWhat is a leopard’s favorite candy?

Dots

Why was Mrs. Cookie so sad?

She was feeling crummy!

What do you call an infant that cries alot?

Baby Ruthless!

What did the Twizzler say to the Gobstopper?

I don’t know!

What’s a southern farmer’s favorite treat?

Cotton candy.

During show and tell, The Runts heard the Snickers from the back of the class. They said “Be Quiet, Lemonheads!”

From the back they heard, “Pez Who!”

Candy Jokes For HalloweenWhat do you call a cow that can’t moo?

A Milk Dud.

What did Mr. Applehead say when Mrs. Lemonhead asked if he liked chocolate?

Does a Gummy Bear poop in the woods?

What do you call an Irish Lion?

Big Red

What did Oh Henry say when he saw the Hot Tamale?

Hubba Bubba

What did Mrs. Good and Plenty say when the Policeman pulled her from the water?

You’re a life saver

What did the Mr. Clark say to the ditzy weather lady?

You’re and Airhead!

What did the cute Starburst say to the Mars Bar?

Going my Milky Way?

Knock KnockHalloween Candy Jokes 2 Who’s there?
Ada!
Ada who?
Ada whole Butterfinger for lunch!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Candy!
Candy who?
Candy doggie have some chocolate?

Who’s there?
Candice!
Candice who?
Candice get any better!

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